Seven or eight
years ago, I made it my New Year’s resolution to stop trying to lose
weight. I decided that dieting was a
ridiculous resolution, and I never kept it, so why not make this year more
meaningful, spiritually speaking. So instead,
I resolved to get to know Blessed Mother better. It remains one of the best decisions I ever
made in my life.
When I embarked
on this journey of building a relationship with Blessed Mother, I admit I had
the all-too-common view of our dear Mother, seeing her as many do, just another
person in the bible, and wondering why we ‘worshipped’ her. I had listened to too many Protestant friends
over the years, telling me that we did, and I thought, well, maybe they were
right and knew something that I did not know.
P.S. -- WE DO NOT WORSHIP
MARY.
We love Mary and we honor her because God
chose her as someone special. He chose
her to bear His Son, and Jesus, our Savior and King of the Universe, permitted
Himself to be a virtual prisoner of her womb for 9 months before entering the
world. He chose her to be the one person
whom He would completely depend on for warmth, food, drink, clothing,
education, shelter and human love. He
gave Himself to Mary, and if we are to imitate Him, then we must do the same,
giving ourselves to this humble, pure Mother of God and Mother of us.
That being said, I glibly said to Blessed
Mother, while driving to court one day in early January, something like
this: “I have no idea who you are or why
you are important, but I am loving this Catholic Church of ours, and since she
says you are important and we should love you, I have to try to understand
this. Please help me.” Well, help me she did!
A few weeks later, I resolved to try a
33-Day Preparation for Consecration via St. Louis de Monfort that I had read
about. (You can get free copies of it
online – click HERE for more details). I only did it because I trusted the Church
enough to know, that if there were popes saying this was the surest way to
Jesus, then I had to at least open my mind to trying it. So I did.
The first time I did it, I only lasted a
week or so. I did not understand what I
was reading, and some of what I was reading could not yet break through to my
cold, stony heart. However, as an
intellectual, I made the decision to try again a few months later, this time
making it a little further. Then
finally, on my 3rd try, I made it from beginning to end, with my
consecration date being the Assumption of Mary, August 15th. Yippee!
As I was doing it in those early days of my
relationship with Blessed Mother, much of it was an exercise in faith, trusting
but not understanding, permitting the graces to flow, but not believing whole
heartedly that they would. Of course
that did not stop her from showering grace upon grace on me. I did not know it then, (although I trusted
something would come of it), but those first feeble steps toward her took me
many miles closer to her Son. That’s
just the way she is, always bringing us to her Son, always pointing us in the
right direction. Since then, I have made
the consecration prep an annual gift to myself, and even added some other days here
and there for extra graces. I am in the
middle of another 33-day prep for consecration that will end on January 1st,
the feast of Mary, Mother of God. I can
hardly wait!
Fast forward to the beginning of this
year. After giving myself to Mary over
and over again in the years which followed, I found myself ready to give myself
entirely to her Son by entering a Dominican monastery to become a nun on April
29th . I was so sure, after a
few years of discernment, that this was where I was called to be, that is until
everything fell apart on March 19th.
As God would have it, I had begun another
33-day consecration to end on March 25th, the feast of the
Annunciation. I was longing to enjoy
that day as another consecration, just 4 weeks prior to entering the monastery
and making my own fiat. But alas, my entrance into the religious life
was not meant to be.
I did make my consecration on March 25th,
and feeling absolutely rejected by God, just days before, I was like a child in
the arms of Mary. I gave her everything,
because I could not bear to face Him after such rejection and the confusion and
sorrow which followed. I wrote my own
consecration prayer, and even my own ‘psalm’ of longing and mourning. Oh, I know He did not reject me, but it sure
felt like He did. And I was not ready to
come to grips with that, as I wondered what I would do, having given up so
much, my business included, to give everything to God. I did not know it then, but I was being
emptied. I was being purified.
In the months that followed, I prayed the
Divine Office (Liturgy of the Hours) and meditated on the mysteries of the
Rosary. When I prayed the Psalms and
prayers of the office, I felt that if my mouth could say the words, then my
soul would eventually catch up. Since I
felt I had nothing left to give God, I gave Blessed Mother every suffering,
crying to her to mend this tear in the fabric of my soul. And that is exactly what she did as I
meditated with her on the mysteries of her Son, through the Holy Rosary. Don’t let anyone tell you this is just
repetitive prayer—THIS IS A GIFT FROM GOD.
And this gift brought me to peace and understanding and complete
healing.
Through suffering and the help and
intercession of Blessed Mother, I was not only made whole again, but she
brought me closer to her Son, taught me to trust and surrender, and she made me
to know on a much, much deeper level, that God’s way is perfect. His plan is perfect. I have learned that I need not worry about
tomorrow. My Mother will not let me
stray from the path too far, before pulling me back and scooting me closer to
the Throne. She loves me. And she loves you, too. Give her everything. She will magnify it and give it to God. At the end of your earthly life, come to
heaven with empty hands because you have given it everything to Mary, and she
will give you all of her merits and all of the love in her heart in return. It’s a great deal, really. Show up to heaven with my meager
offerings? Or show up to heaven with all
that Mary gave? To me, it’s a no-brainer.
Totus Tuus – Bl. John Paul II