O Adonai (Lord)

O Adonai,
and leader of the house of Israel,
You appeared to Moses in the flame of the burning bush
and gave him the law on Sinai:

Come, and with an outstretched arm, redeem us.
Amen.
 

O Sapienta

O Wisdom,
You came forth from the mouth of the Most High,
and reached from end to end,
and disposed of all things sweetly and mightily:

Come and teach us the way of prudence. 
Amen.

Vocation Update

It has been quite a whirlwind these past few months.  After much searching and discerning, God has made it pretty clear to me that I am not going to be entering the Daughters of Mary.  It is a long story, but one of the most compelling things that has been happening over the past year, is my discomfort at wondering when I would really get a chance to pray and study as a DM.  I found myself wondering (and pretty confident) that I would be having less time as a lawyer in a habit than I would have as a lawyer in my own house to contemplate all of the mysteries of Jesus.  I became increasingly wary of leaving the prayer life I already had, to be in community with less time for prayer and very little time for study and personal growth.

About a year and a half ago, I saw on Facebook that people were becoming friends with the Elmira Dominican Nuns.  I was amazed by this, as I only live about 30 minutes from this incredible contemplative order, and in all my years of discerning, had never even heard of them.  When I saw on their web page that they had not had a new vocation in 25 years, I wrote to them and said, in a nutshell, that I had been discerning for a number of years, and never even heard of them when they were in my own backyard.  I offered to help them, and the vocation director, Sr. Anna Marie, set a time for me to come up and meet with her. 

Two amazing things are immediately apparent in this journey:  Number One, I thought I was going there to help promote them, and Number Two, I was sure God would never call me to a contemplative order, as He gave me so many gifts that would lend easily to helping people as a missionary or in an active order (lawyer, teacher, musician, etc.).  So we met on occasion over the next year, and Sr. Anna Marie was very kind and helpful to me, giving me great spiritual direction, but she never once tried to dissuade me from my path to the DMs.  I was just so sure of myself -- RED FLAG.  :-)

So then, about 6 months ago, some things happened with the DMs that made me extremely worried, when I saw one sister leave, and others who were not very happy.  The disturbance in my soul reached a fever pitch and I ran to see Sr. Anna Marie.  I boldly told her to please let me talk and do not say anything until she had time to pray about it because it was bad, soooo bad, and I did not want her gut reaction, (not that she would ever have one, she is so peaceful, and God is soooo close to her).   And after giving my whole sordid story she had an inspiration that she believed to be from the Holy Spirit.  After this whole year of meeting with me, she had never once thought of me for any other order, but this new order of Dominicans came to her mind.  She told me they were visiting Elmira the next weekend and could I come for a visit.  They are a contemplative foundation (new Dominican Monastery awaiting enough professed sisters to become a stand-alone monastery), and they have a vision that really complemented the things I had been saying to Sr. Anna Marie all along. 

When I heard her say these words, I was immediately flooded with peace.  This is HUGE because if you would have seen me crying and frantic five minutes before, you would have to know that it was the Holy Spirit.  And when I met them the following week, I again was filled with peace and God's great Love.  There was no more concern or frantically trying to get somewhere on my own terms.  Things worked out that I could visit them in Delaware the next week, and when I entered their chapel, I felt like I was coming home.  I did not want to leave!  I took to the monastic life like a duck to water.  Honestly, I never felt that way with the DMs.  I could not figure it out, as there were so many, so-called 'signs.'  But this experience with the Dominicans had absolutely NOTHING to do with me.  I did not look for it or ask for it or anything.  All I did, was a few months before it all unfolded, I began praying a perpetual novena to Mary, Undoer of Knots, and my prayer changed from, 'please undo the knots that are keeping me from the Daughters of Mary," to "PLEASE, Blessed Mother, from your heavenly perspective, PLEASE undo the knots in my life that I do not even see, and help me to clear the path to wherever Jesus wants me."  And she has done just that!  She lives to help her children come closer to her Son.  She lives to help her children stay on the path that He has laid out for them.  Pure Mercy.  Pure Love.

So here I am, still with my financial obstacles, but it appears that God is working to make them disappear.  I felt compelled a few months ago to ask someone to buy my house.  I told him I paid far less than what I am asking.  I gave him a price for what a similar house went for in the neighborhood, and then told him the price that would make me a nun.  He has agreed to pay me much more than it is worth, and if he can not come up with the funds, has promised to find someone else who will do it!  I need a lot of prayer on this, because the evil one is doing everything he can to thwart our efforts.  But I do believe it will work, and that I will enter on St Catherine of Siena's feast day, April 29, 2012.  Whee!

So that is the scoop for now.  I have no idea what God is calling me to 'do' in the Dominican order, and I simply do not care.  All I want is to do His will, and clearly this path has come from Him, so I am walking it, with eyes and ears open, excited to see, hear and touch what lies ahead.  All for the Glory of God!

Merry Christmas!

Love,
Christina

Mary, Undoer of Knots,
Pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Hope

Why are you cast down, my soul,
why groan within me?
Hope in God;  I will praise Him still,
my savior and my God.

from Psalm 43

Jesus, Help Me!

I have long had the practice of cutting pictures and prayers out of bulletins and programs and mailings from charitable institutions, and placing them in my prayer books and other books.  Mostly, I save them for inspiration, but they make nice bookmarks too!  :-)

Well, this morning, this prayer fell out of my Liturgy of the Hours prayers, and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today.  I have no idea from where it came, but here it is:

In every need, let me come to You with humble trust, saying, Jesus help me!

In all my doubts, perplexities and temptations, Jesus help me!

In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials, Jesus help me!

In the failure of my plans and hopes; in disappointments, troubles and sorrows, Jesus help me!

When others fail me, and Your grace alone can assist me, Jesus help me!

When I throw myself on Your tender love as a Brother and Savior, Jesus help me!

When my heart is cast down by failure to see any good come from my efforts, Jesus help me!

When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me, Jesus help me!

When I am ill, and my head and hands can not work and I am lonely, Jesus help me!

Always, always, in spite of of weakness, falls and shortcomings of every kind, Jesus help me, and never forsake me!

AMEN.

Still waiting . . . But getting closer

I had hoped to have some good news to share by now. But as per usual, there must be some great spiritual benefit I am receiving from this constant delay and waiting. I am still working on the obstacles to my vocation, and it appeared for awhile that something really, mega-miraculous was happening. I still have hope that it will work out, but I am once again delayed and looking for God in all of it. I know He is there, and so once again (and again and again and again), I surrender.  Blessed Mother, help me surrender.

I have discerned a call to a Dominican order….(more later on that). I am shocked by this, but I trust it like nothing I have ever known, because I had virtually nothing to do with it, and I did nothing to seek this. God moved in so many mysterious ways to bring it about, and had it happened 2 years ago when I first approached the Daughters of Mary, I would not have been spiritually mature enough or ready. Once again, He proves that His timing is perfect, and when I permit it, His will WILL be done. Fiat. Let it be done.

I have great peace about this order, and unlike my past, I find myself not even caring or worried about any part of what my future will bring as a nun. I am well aware of my human frailties, and I know it will be very difficult, and seemingly impossible for me at times, given my strong will and enormous ego, but I have faith that if this is where God is calling me, He will give me everything I need to follow Him and do His will. I can not WAIT to begin this new chapter in my life, and I fully expect to enter on April 29th, the feast day of Saint Catherine of Siena, however the enemy of our souls is doing his best to thwart God’s efforts. Please, PLEASE pray for me that my obstacles will be removed and none other be placed in my path. I have never wanted anything more in my entire life, and I look forward to the day when I can write about all of the amazing things God did to make straight this very crooked path of mine. He is a God of great mercy, and I will spend my eternity thanking Him for the great love He has shown me in this life.

Totus Tuus . . .
 

Saint Catherine of Siena, please pray for us.

The One Thing . . . By Matthew Kelly

Matthew Kelly is a good man with a great heart for God. I once wrote to him and asked for his help in making a dream come true for a friend of mine. I was surprised to receive a telephone call from him, and a great conversation ensued with numerous ideas for helping my friend. He was most kind and generous with his time and thoughts, showing great regard for two complete strangers. This personal quality of his has everything to do with what it means to be a Catholic Christian.

I was excited to have the opportunity to review one of his new books for the Catholic Company, and read it in just a few minutes. It is a small book, The One Thing – Passing Faith Onto Children, and at only 64 pages with lots of pictures, it was easy to read in under a half hour.

Matthew is known for making complex issues simple, and truly, that is what he did in this little book. Mostly he spent his time writing about his own experience of love in relation to his first born and only child, a son named Walter. Would that all parents in today’s world look at their child in the way that Matthew looks at his! Drawing from his recognition of the love he has found in his own heart for this child, he began to understand more deeply the love that God, our Father, has for each of us. As a soon-to-be contemplative nun, I have to tell you that this is exactly what I hope to spend the rest of my own days contemplating.

What it all boils down to in answering the question of which ‘one thing’ it takes to pass the faith on to children is this: Matthew believes, as do I, that it begins by showing them your own authentic love for God by the way you treat them and their mother and all of God’s children…..by the way you go out of your way to do things for them, to help them, and to serve others. This shows them Jesus. This shows them how God loves us and wants to be with us. When you do this, you are teaching them about Eucharist, because you are teaching them, by your example, of what it means to be Jesus to each other. And there is no better way to receive Jesus, than when we receive Him, sacramentally present in the Eucharist, another great thing this book reminds the reader.

I love putting these kinds of books in my office waiting room.  I have one of Matthew's other books in my waiting room as well.  They are small tidbits of important wisdom, put simply and accessible even to non-readers who do not have the patience to read a long novel.  Sometimes, a person only needs one well-reasoned thought to bring them back to love.  I hope this little book will do just that. 

Fiat!


(This review was written as part of the Catholic book reviewer program from The Catholic Company. Visit The Catholic Company to find more information on The One Thing. They are also a great source for a Catechism of the Catholic Church or a Catholic Bible.)

The Fellowship of the Unashamed by Anonymous

I am part of the "Fellowship of the Unashamed."

The die has been cast.

I have stepped over the line.

The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.

My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure.

I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity.

I now live by presence, lean by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power.

My pace is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear.

I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ.

I must go until Heaven returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes.

And when He comes to get His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.

My colors will be clear.

Shhhh . . . .

Just a quick note . . .

The last three months have been undeniably indescribable, completely and totally Divinely inspired.  I am not ready to write about all that has transpired yet, but suffice it to say, our merciful Father is answering my vocation prayers in a powerfully loving, generous, mysterious, incredible way.  I can not even find the words to describe all that has happened yet, as I am simply overwhelmed by the mercy and love I have received, so I am choosing to simply BE and listen for now, watching as it all unfolds, taking it all in.  I will write more after some of the plans I am making are brought to fruition, probably in a month or two.  For now, it is a time of great preparation and thanksgiving.  Thanks be to God!

Fiat!
Totus Tuus

Saint Dominic, pray for us.