Mary Undoer of Knots

Christ came to bring JOY;

Joy to children, joy to parents,

Joy to families and friends,

Joy to the sick and elderly,

Joy to all humanity.

In a true sense, JOY is the keynote message of Christianity,

And the recurring motif of the Gospels.

Go, therefore, and become Messengers of Joy!

~ Pope John Paul II

Monday, February 28, 2011

Oy

I have failed miserably this month at being the person I know God is calling me to be. I have been stressed beyond belief and am being tested time and time and TIME again. I have never failed a single test in my academic career, but in the spiritual realms, I would be kicked out of school if it was not for the mercy of our Beloved Teacher.


I have no choice but to rely on Him for everything. The very millisecond I think I have things all figured out, I fall flat on my face. This time, I fell extra hard, and I simply have had very little strength to get back up again. It has been much easier for me to just lay down and argue with God, trying to manipulate Him into giving me what i want---what I THOUGHT He wanted. And in case you have ever wondered, reverse psychology does NOT work on Him. Trust me. Don't waste your breath. :-)

Sooooo....I am beaten down. I am tired and worn out. I can do nothing on my own--NOTHING. I have no choice but to give it to Him all over again, and always AGAIN.

Will I ever learn?

I have heard it said that we should not beat ourselves up about our shortcomings as we journey on this path to holiness. Would the loving father of a toddler be mad at his child who falls when he is learning to walk? Of course not! He would pick him back up and help him to try again. And the same is true with our Father in heaven. All of this falling and failing is part of the learning process if we permit Him to help us to continue to move forward on the journey. When He sees us fall, it is with the eyes of a loving parent who sees us progressing forward as we grow in our love for Him and align ourselves to His will. All is well......it just does not feel well right now.....But it will again.....just need to keep getting up.

fiat.

4 comments:

mamadrama said...

You are always inspiring! I appreciate your insight and words of wisdom in this blog. What a great instrument you are for our Father in Heaven.

I love and miss you and excourage you in all things.

ALOHA SISTER!!!

Christina said...

Aloha Sylvia! Your comment made my day! Thank you for your love and kindness. You are such a beautiful daughter of God. I am glad we met up on this journey. I pray you are well and enjoying all of the blessings of your new family! We have to catch up one of these days! I keep checking to see if you have new posts on your blog.....the luau birthday looked like a lot of fun! :-)

Jilleen said...

I miss you! Oh, you sound like my twin! What a month... I was driving to work a few days ago with such similar thoughts :) I literally begged Him to take over completely. It's good to know how miserably I can fail when I'm navigating on my own! LOL! Our Father is so patient, loving, and forgiving. I find such peace when I slow down and pay attention. I just wish I didn't make it so hard for Him to get my attention!

Christina said...

Hey twin! I miss you too! :-)

I was asked to be a last minute addition to the Spring team....Cursillo was last weekend. I can not begin to tell you how blessed I was by it! I have not experienced such peace and such tangible love of Christ since I made my own cursillo in 2004! What an incredible gift!

So am I ever gonna see you again, dear sister o' mine? I can't believe you read the blog...I thought hardly anyone was reading it! When the weather breaks and there is a school of leaders at St Gabe's, I will probably make the trek out for it just to see people. Can't wait! Love you!