Living in the Garden

Sometimes, it is just plain hard to pray the Sorrowful mysteries of the rosary. Sometimes, I just want to pray over and over and over again, the first Joyful mystery, The Annunciation. I long to learn more and more how to be like our Blessed Mother, so humble and giving and always ready to do the will of the Father. I love her fiat. But other times, especially when I feel like I am suffering for some reason or another, I long for an understanding of Jesus and His Agony in the Garden. This was one of those weeks.

I have confidence that our Beloved has called me to the Daughters of Mary of the Immaculate Conception in Connecticut. But some people hold the opinion that if God does not make straight the path in the easiest and quickest possible way, then there is reason to doubt if it is truly God’s will.

Certainly, if God does not want me to go, then He has good reason. I will be very, VERY sad if that is true, but I know in my heart that His plans are perfect, even if they are seemingly devastating to MY will. So again, I SURRENDER. Fiat!

I do still have great hope. In fact, the way I see this, is that God is refining me, helping me to lose another layer of pride and self-sufficiency, relying only on Him and realizing who I am in the scheme of things. As St Therese once said, He is the One Who IS. I am the one who is not.

My town is a small one. Since the word is out that I am going to be joining a religious order and closing my law office, my phone has all but stopped ringing at a time when I most need financial success to remove the obstacles to my entrance. I knew my announcement would eventually lead to the demise of my business, but I had hoped that the final fundraising would coincide with the end of my business. Fundraising is going slowly, and so the obstacle to my becoming a religious sister remains unchanged. And because of the delay since my initial announcement, the family that was going to give my puppies a new, loving home, got a dog of their own two weeks ago. I can’t blame them, I mean, how can you tell your kids they are getting a dog and then make them wait and wait and wait? I am sure God has a plan for my puppies and for me. It does seem, however, that everything is falling apart. My hope and prayer is that God will amaze all of us with the plans He has to make my vocation come to its fruition.

He always gives me hope with His Word.  Today’s reading from Isaiah 6:8 is my cry: "Here I am," I said; "send me!"

And today’s Gospel is my comfort, "Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father's knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." Matt 10:29-31

We are loved!
Let it be done according to Your word. Let it be done!