The phone has been dead this week......Not good for my bottom line, but good in the sense that I am one week past my gall bladder surgery and have been thankful for the quiet and the chance to recuperate. Thanks be to God . . .
The anesthesia has played a weird part in my brain this week. I realize how much I have to be thankful for, now that the haze and fog are clearing and I am coming back into my right mind. :-) Seriously, though, what a gift to be able to think and reason and make sense of things....to be able to write and have control over my thoughts, at least to whatever extent I ever had control. What a terrible suffering it must be for people who become brain damaged or suffer from Alzheimer's disease or lose cognitive function for whatever reason, after having been able to put two and two together. I have had the weirdest dreams, but more than that, my emotions were nutty and my thoughts made me feel like I was walking a tightrope, between sanity and a few fries short of a Happy Meal. I am thankful that it is over.
Before my surgery, as I was putting on the gown and the hair net, I was stressed a bit about my brown scapular--I did not want to remove it or get into an argument about keeping it on me. So I prayed to God that it would be invisible to everyone in the operating room. When we got in there, of course you are in nothing but your birthday suit and a hair net, so certainly they would make me remove it from the sterile environment, but guess what? They never even mentioned it, because they never even saw it. I know it is not a magical charm or a superstitious rabbit's foot of sorts. But if reminds me of who I am as a child of God and it is the closet thing I have to taking the habit to give myself to Him in a profound and personal way. The fact that I was able to wear it and no one saw it on me, was a special gift when the amnesia effects of the anesthesia were playing games with my mind. It was a reminder that Jesus and Mary were with me through the entire thing, and that nothing ever happens in this life that God does not permit because He intends to bring a greater good from it. He always knows just what we need. I hope He thinks I need to be a Daughter of Mary.
I know---I am obssessed. But I just can not believe that He would bring me to this point, only to use all of this to teach me some kind of lesson, sending me on my merry way to live life for Him as a single person in the world. Oh, I pray He brings me to the convent soon. But in the end, His will and His timing are perfect. I pray that my own will lines up with His as I surrender again and again and again . . . Your will be done.