Didn't expect that . . .

I resigned my Washington State bar membership today.  The yearly fee was due tomorrow, and I just could not see paying for another year, when I have not used my license to practice in Washington since 1999.  I have kept it up, because it is not an easy thing to obtain, and I knew if I let it go, it would take a lot to get it back, maybe even re-taking the bar exam.  I thought, maybe I might move back out there, I mean, ya just never know.  But today I could not rationalize the fee, knowing that I AM going to be a Dominican nun soon, right?  I will never use it again, so what is the loss? 

But whatever gains I had, these I have come to consider a loss because of Christ. More than that, I even consider everything as a loss because of the supreme good of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have accepted the loss of all things and I consider them so much rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having any righteousness of my own based on the law but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God, depending on faith . . . Phil 3:7-9

Yet still, I found myself filled with a rush of emotion and tears as I clicked the last click of the computer to confirm my decision.  Are you sure you want to resign?  You will no longer be permitted to practice law in the State of Washington.  Once you click 'yes,' you will be logged out of the system and unable to return. 

Yes.  I am sure.  Click!  And then cry.  I am either a damn fool or this will be an amazing story to tell someday, the way I have given up every tiny little thing, one by one, without even one logical, rational reason to believe that any of this will work out....except for the grace of God and my half of a mustard seed of faith that He is the one who has put this desire to serve Him in my heart.  If not, I am foolish and delusional at best.  But if it is as I believe, then heaven and earth will move to bring me to the monastery. 

Still, there are so many things that have to happen, including yet another deadline I was not even considering until today.  Soooo many things to do in sooooo little time.....And no offers to buy my house yet. 

Novena number 3 to St. Joseph starts tomorrow.  Lord, have mercy.