This day is a gift. Actually, every day is a gift. But some days are just easier than others, aren’t they?
Of course, a difficult day does not make it any less of a gift from our Creator. And certainly the saints who have gone before us saw great benefit from suffering when it is offered up to God and united with the suffering of our Beloved on the Cross. But some days, there is felt such great union with our Jesus, that is hard to be anything but extremely thankful. Today is just that kind of day for me.
Often I am amazed at what God tolerates. Forty years I endured that generation. I said, “They are a people whose hearts go astray and they do not know my ways.” (Psalm 95). God and I both know He has tolerated plenty from me for at least 40 years. But I am trying, and God willing, I am growing closer to Him every day…..loving Him deeper and better and more authentically, every day……
Today I have a great sense of God’s closeness, even though I have not given Him as much attention this weekend as I could have---should have. I regret this, as I had much time to pray and contemplate and read this weekend, after my house was clean and ready for showing. I had no other work to do, while the snow came down outside, keeping things quiet inside, and yet I left Him mostly alone. Sometimes, He withdraws the feeling of His closeness to help us to grow in our faith, but He is always right there, like a Father who is running beside the child who is riding a bike without training wheels for the first time. And as exhilarating as it can be to take off, seemingly on your own, often it ends with a fall, with Father there to catch you and pick you up. I am grateful for these days when I feel Him so close, that I can simply rest, knowing He has got everything under control. I barely even have to pedal…..just keep resting in His Love and His Presence. It is so easy to surrender everything to Him on these days…..easy to give it all to Him without a fear or worry in the world. I relish these days. I know they can not last forever, but God, in His Wisdom, knows when I need Him, and He has been very generous with His gifts these past weeks. Thank You, Father.
It seems like things are coming to a natural end with my life in the world, so to speak. Even though I continue to be no closer to selling my house and resolving my school loans, the ‘for sale’ sign in my yard has all but stopped my phone from ringing with new clients. I am fresh out of money to pay my bills and the mounting bills from unexpected car, plumbing and dental problems are growing by the day. Still I have peace. God has always preserved me, and I fully expect that all of my needs will be met during this time of waiting, somehow, some way. I am telling anyone who asks, that I am moving to Delaware, because even though there is no forward motion, I know this could change in an instant—It could change today!---and I will be on my way to finally realizing my vocation to the religious life. I fully expect a miracle. I have no reason for this hope….no reason for this faith….no reason for this peace---except for the pure gift from God. None if it makes sense, unless it comes from Him.
I remember it was not that many years ago, that I would be crying and stressed if business was quiet for a few weeks, afraid of not meeting my obligations. It has never been this quiet, this long. But even as I am rapidly running out of time and resources, I am happy.
97 days and counting . . .
St. Joseph, pray for us.
Blessed Mother, pray for us.
Christ, have mercy on us.